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Since becoming a Christian a year ago I’ve been struggling with understanding God’s will for my life. The only clear thing to me is that I know God is leading me to work in Health Evangelism. I’ve worried about how that is going to happen since it seems I’ve made poor decision after poor decision. One might believe that one of those poor decisions was when Damon and I went from two incomes to one back in May 2011. The original plan was for me to go back to school and when I returned we would get married. Then the plan became we would get married before I left but the counsel of many (ok everyone) was that was a bad idea. You could grow apart, etc, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret the decision to get married. I love this man more than words can describe. He is so loving, so encouraging, so fun, and at times so challenging. The last 6 months have been the greatest period of personal growth I have ever experienced. I doubt I would have grown so much spiritually had I been single. Living with another human being in the light of God’s truth really reveals who you are, I mean who you really are. Love your enemies, turn the other cheek, a gentle answer turns away anger – none of these come naturally to me! Often I don’t like the person who comes forth when things don’t go my way but each time I surrender that attitude and cry out to God, He has opportunity to work on my character. And you know what? I can feel it working.
When I applied to school and was told, at the last minute, that my application went through incomplete I questioned if this was God saying now’s not the time. They received the entire electronic form but the section about the work program came through as blank. In my savings I had just enough to cover the travel and program fees but the full tuition I did not have. I said to myself ok prayer answered I’m getting married first and then reapplying next year. So I started making wedding plans and then the school called back saying they were able to get me in the work program scholarship after all. I had already made my decision and the wedding date had been set so I told them I would reapply next year. Then the door opened for me to be apart of the ARK project. Then the offer came to help with starting the restaurant. Then I was asked to be the Health leader at church. The decision to quit my job when I did may seem to others like it was a mistake but the opportunities that have been presented to me would not have come had I still been working 40hrs a week at the office.
I had/have complete faith that God was leading and all these opened doors confirm it. So does this mean my decision to postpone school was God’s will? Not necessarily. This all could have taken place when I returned from school. The ARK isn’t opening until Jan 15 and the restaurant still does not have a date. I would have returned from school in June 2013 and the education I would have received would have greatly benefited the project. Now the point of telling you all this is that I’ve come to the understanding that God knew which road I was going to choose and the good news is that regardless of me choosing “the right path” He had a plan for both.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
One of my biggest fears is making the wrong decision. I’m so afraid of missing out on something better. I have often been paralyzed by this and stuck making no decision at all. Now I don’t believe in predestination and I know that there are two forces at work in the world so it is possible to make a choice that is totally out of God’s will but understanding that He has a plan, even if I make a mistake, has freed me to go forth and make a decision. That said and due to circumstances at the present (being that our car is wrecked and needing repair or replacement) I am having to make one of those decisions. I need to go back to work until the restaurant opens. Now my mind has gone up and down about how this could hinder my current work (which is completely voluntary). Who knows what my hours will be and this may mean I have to quit working for the food pantry for a while and miss some of the ARK meetings. January kicks off the Daniel Challenge with my first sermon taking place on Jan 12 (more details to follow). The course I will be presenting is fairly intensive and I need to be readily available for it to succeed. I am trusting God completely that He will work all things out for good. I’m going to post ads on craigslist for cleaning and cooking in the area so that I can keep a somewhat flexible schedule. If that fails then back to office work I go. I’m open to suggestions from any and all and I’m excited to see where God is leading next. Who knows what He has in store! I’ll keep you posted.